How to Support Your Wife in Homeschooling

It was a regular occurrence during my highschool years…  The phone would ring and I’d hear Mr. P on the other end quickly inquiring if there was any way I could babysit – TONIGHT.  That slight edge of desperation in his voice and my love for their family would usually prompt me to say yes.   I sort of suspected that her 4 darling children, the messy house, and homeschooling may have left her a little tired, but as I catapulted into the realm of baby/toddler mom and then homeschool mom, I found myself understanding her in a whole new way.   Some days just leave you frazzled.  And I had new-found respect for her husband who would swoop in to save the day.

Oh this grand learning adventure…  I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than learning here alongside our children.  Each day is unique, beautiful, mostly fun, often challenging.  We have the opportunity to cultivate these lives entrusted to our care, to train them, guide them, and then launch them into all God has for them.

Yes, we stay home with the kids and most of the work with homeschooling falls to us.  But really, raising kids needs to be a team effort.   Dad’s, we need you!  We may not always be able to put into words what that looks like because every day is fresh with new challenges and well, our own emotions can tend to be on an ever shifting pendulum too.  I know you’ve all come home at one time or another to get that look when you walk in the door–that look that screams HELP!  So I thought I’d pass on a few tips today.

1. Make it a Family Affair

Homeschooling shines when it is made a family affair.  My husband jokes that while he was always supportive of our decision to homeschool, it took him a while to transfer perspective from “her thing to OUR thing.”   Whenever you find a way to get involved, jump right in.

• Take learning on the road. Family vacations can become family field trips with a little bit of reading before you head out.
• Plan some of the “fun” learning activities for when dad is off work.  A few years ago, Rich saw me pulling together a tasty collection of materials during our unit on birds.  Knowing something fun was afoot, he asked if we could wait until he was done with work for the day.  This proved to be a win for all of us!
• Explore together. Family field trips showcase the beauty of family learning.
• Take over a subject.  There might be a season where you need to step up and help.  My mom and I butted heads so much on writing that my dad ultimately had to step in for a brief season.
• Dinnertime discussion is a wonderful time to bring the family back together.  When I’m on top of things {on rare occasions} I try and text my hubby with something that we did that day so he can ask the kids about it.  Usually however, I’m not that pulled together and I’ll prompt the kids with a “tell Dad what we read about, built, explored, etc…”  This is a great time to discuss the day’s explorations and give dad the opportunity to share insights as well.
• Rough house – if possible, in the morning.  You read that right.  Rough housing with the kids is an amazing way to help prime the pump and wire their brains to learn.  Those moments when you think you are just having fun…  They serve an unseen academic purpose as well.  Getting their blood pumping in some way before you head off to work might just be what they need to get the wiggles out and buckle down to focus on the tasks mom has for them that day!

{crazy to look at these pictures and realize that this cute baby is now 6 years old…}

2. Protect and Promote Her

We need our knight-in-shining-armor.  There are days when I’m that damsel in distress.  A wise husband has his game on and is constantly ascertaining the situation. Sometimes we might need:

• A shoulder to cry on.  After a rough day sometimes we just need a hug and for someone to tell us that it will all be ok.
• A pep talk.  First rule of thumb is to just listen.  But sometimes we need you to do what you are so good at – problem solve.  Remind us WHY we are doing this, share insight into what can be done differently. 
• An intervention!  Sometimes a girl just needs her knight-in-shining armor to swoop in.  Children respond differently to dad. I know I did as a girl and I’ve seen it in my own children.
• A speech.  Talk us up… This may not seem like a big deal, but when you speak highly of your wife and the investment she is making by homeschooling – especially to the kids, it not only gives your wife a boost, but models to your kids respect for what she does.  It’s important that our kids see a united front.  They need to know that we are a team.  My hubby and I try hard to bring disagreement on parenting issues to each other in private instead of airing that in front of the kids.
• Prayer – Pray with and for us.

 3. Help Her Refuel

Sometimes we are just running on empty and need to refuel.  A wise husband will spot this and help find a solution just as the dad did who called me for emergency babysitting.  The key here is to talk with her and figure out what will help her refuel.  Here are a few ideas to get you going:

• Send her out for a walk. This won’t work for everyone, but this is the easiest way to talk me off the ledge.  Sometimes I just need 15-20 minutes to get outside for a brisk walk.  The fresh air, movement and 15 minutes of solitude to entertain my own thoughts works wonders to calm me down and bring perspective.
• Send her up for a bath.  Release her to go take a bath.  Put on some peaceful music and offer to get the kids to bed, wash the dinner dishes, etc so that she can have a few moments to herself.
• Send her OUT.  A friend shared on Facebook a few years ago about how her husband handed her a Bible, notebook, a Starbucks gift card, and car keys.  That mama returned refreshed and so madly in love with her husband that she couldn’t help but sing his praises for a good long while.
• Encourage her to have a girl’s night out.  I recently went out to celebrate a friend’s upcoming wedding.  It was fun to dress up and figure out how to talk about something other than homeschooling or parenting!
• Take the kids out.  Sometimes the chaos of the house is getting to us and the most helpful thing you could do would be to get the kids out of the house for a Saturday morning so we can restore order.  My dad did this once.  Trust me, my mom was on the verge of crazy, but when we returned she was all smiles.
• Date Night!  Depending on your budget this is a sure-fire winner.  It gets you both away and provides time to either get your mind off the difficult day, week, month or talk together to fine-tune how things are going.  We’ve worked out an exchange program with some friends to make this more affordable and something that happens monthly now.

You are more important than you can even imagine.  We need your love and support far more than anyone else’s because we are in this together.  Your role is just as critical as ours and together we are stronger and more effective than when we stand alone.