Dear mother who doesn’t think she’s patient enough to homeschool,
I’d love to write and tell you that you have nothing to worry about, but I have to be honest and admit that you are right. You most likely are NOT patient enough right now to homeschool your children. Sad, but true.
You may not always have the patience to:
♦ Deal with the house being messed up throughout the day. People actually living and working in a space tends to mean more mess, more books, more projects, more dirt, etc…
♦ Diligently train them to help clean the house because you’ll soon discover that you need all hands on deck in order to keep things running.
♦ Diligently train them to respect your authority.
♦ Teach when you are having a bad day.
♦ Teach them when they are having a bad day.
♦ Research, research, research for the ‘perfect’ curriculum. (hahahaha…)
♦ Teach your child something, only to realize that they still don’t get it after you’ve tried several different ways to explain it and ordered 2 or 3 different programs.
♦ Handle yet another melt-down because they don’t understand something.
♦ Multi-task cooking dinner, answering algebra questions, negotiating a sibling argument all while another child practices piano.
And the list could go on…
But if you give up on the possibility of homeschooling because you aren’t patient enough than you might just miss out on:
♥ The joy of seeing your child really ‘get it’ after they’ve struggled to learn something new.
♥ Cuddling on the couch in the middle of the day to read and make memories together.
♥ The tight bond that forms between siblings when they must learn how to get along.
♥ Seeing a breakthrough with a child who was having those meltdowns.
♥ Seeing the fruit of the day-in-day-out parenting work.
♥ Addressing conflict head-on and learning how to work in the midst of it.
♥ Helping your children learn how to work through conflict.
♥ Seeing a child apologize for their lack of patience because they’ve seen you model that.
♥ Realizing that {character} lessons for him are also lessons for you.
♥ Experiencing character growth yourself.
If you wait to start anything challenging until you have perfect patience you won’t do anything at all. We need to remember that patience is forged through perseverance. Patience is not some inborn trait. No, patience is developed.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. James 1:2-3
Before I had children, I seemed to be quite patient. And then, I became a parent… Parenting in and of itself is character building. Homeschooling just amplifies this.
If you are considering homeschooling, the primary question you need to ask is whether or not God wants you to do it? If the answer is a hearty YES, than know that He is going to grow your patience along the way!
So, what to do in those moments when patience is running thin:
- Pray, Pray, Pray. When it feels like your day is getting hijacked, you need to be purposeful in prayer. It really beats other ‘coping mechanisms.’
- Rejoice when opportunities arise to grow in patience. Trust me, they’ll crop up and rejoicing at the opportunity is going to be much more pleasant and productive than drowning in condemnation.
- Recognize the training opportunity. Oftentimes impatience on our part is triggered because we haven’t faithfully trained them to do something. We set the tone for the home, the routine and the expectations for behavior. If we are impatient, sometimes it can be because we just need to go back to the ‘basics’ and teach them what is expected and how to do it.
- Be Cheerful. Being intentional to say something in a cheerful tone and with a smile on my face really helps me shelve the snarly when it arises.
- Put yourself in their shoes… Sometimes I’ll catch a glimpse in my child’s eye when I’m not being very patient. It takes me instantly back to my own childhood and a time when I was hurt or frustrated by my mom’s lack of patience. It helps to try and see things from their perspective.
- You Don’t Have To Do It All. While we want to embrace opportunities to grow, we can also recognize triggers. There was a brief time growing up when my mom tried to teach me piano. It didn’t go over well. She decided the frustration wasn’t worth it and quickly found a piano teacher. So pray and discern areas where you need to grow in patience and areas where it might be wise to find outside help.
As a homeschool graduate, I wanted to encourage you that it is OK that you don’t have perfect patience. Really. I grew up with an incredible mom, but she certainly wasn’t patient all the time. I know the pain and frustration of trying to figure out how to make her happy when she was impatient with us and yet I also watched her diligently turn to God time and time again for help. And you know what? That is what stands out to me now. Instead of the times when she failed, I remember her crying in her room with her Bible open. I remember her coming to us and asking for forgiveness. I remember her encouragement as we all worked as a family in navigating how to live and learn together in harmony. I remember wanting to grow up to become like her.
She grew through the homeschool process and now I’m on my own ‘growing in patience’ journey. I’m grateful for love and grace. I’m thankful for boys who are quick to forgive. I’m thankful for a new day to grow together as a family pursuing the fruit of the Spirit in our lives.
And I’m praying for your journey too!
“May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.” Colossians 1:11
This is part of the iHomeschool Network’s series, “I Can’t Homeschool Because…”
I’m in my 14th yr with 4 homeschoolers, and I can attest and relate to this article.
Thank you so much! Very encouraging!
Thank you Heather! You inspired me at the convention in Phoenix this summer and you have done it again. I’m sure these words were helpful to all homeschooling moms, but to a “first year” like me, they were wonderful!!
Today is the end of my first week home schooling my 11 year old son. My brain is fried, my house is a mess and I am feeling way out of my comfort zone. I haven’t thrown in the towel yet, but I have considered it several times this week.
Sherri, this is my first year too! I almost quit 20/24 days of my first month, lol. Knowing this is God’s plan for my family was literally the only thing that kept me going for a few weeks, sheer obedience. But it is paying off already! I’m starting to see my Kindergartner “get” some things, when he would barely even pick up the scissors first week! My 2nd grader is actually really getting into some of her subjects and smiling instead of giving me that pre-teen “whatever” look, lol. We can do this! 🙂
Melissa, thank you for your words of encouragement. I know it will get better. I just have to keep praying and keep at it. We have to find our groove. I cannot wait to enjoy that moment of my son “getting it”.
Melissa, hang in there. I’ve heard it recommended before to commit to one year, or at least an entire semester before giving up. There is certainly can be a learning curve as you each figure out what your new normal will be. Learning at home is usually very different than merely doing school at home.
And know that you aren’t alone. My mom got close so many times, even to the extent of backing out of the driveway to re-enroll us in school {and she was a support group leader.} I’ve taken her cue and sometimes when we are all fried and relationally not connecting, we declare a field trip day and go hiking or to the zoo. I’m always amazed at how much that helps.
I’m praying for you that God would help you find your groove (you will!). I hope you have a restful weekend.
I did homeschool for a couple of years…..but then Math got too difficult. Considering it again because Jr high is a mess.
Praying that you feel His peace as you seek God in this decision. He always comes through in directing our steps and then providing everything we need for the direction He’s called us to pursue.
Thank you for this! I needed it right about now! God bless you.
Were you a fly on my wall today? =) I was definitely lacking in the patience arena…that’s for sure. It is definitely work and yes, a lot of it is being done in me! Thanks for the encouragement today.
Beautiful, thank you!! So very true!
OH this is fantastic. I had someone fling the “patience excuse” at me last week, and I said, um neither am I! Well said. I will probably just print this out and carry it in my purse for the next time someone says this to me. My favorite part for myself was the paragraph with this: “I remember her crying in her room with her Bible open. I remember her coming to us and asking for forgiveness . . .”
What a beautiful picture of “working out” salvation! Brava to your mother!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I know. I actually like getting this question because it provides an opportunity to explain that I’m human just like everyone else. It helps dispel the myth that you have to be supermom.
Thank you for the encouragement. We will start homeschooling this next year, and this is one of my big concerns.
Your very welcome. You CAN do it. The beauty of it is that your children will not only grow and learn, but you will get to as well!
I was also homeschooled and graduated from it. Went into college, did really well in college, but never thought I wanted to homeschool/would homeschool. I married a non-American, I live overseas now and we are missionaries with our church denomination in Madagascar. There are no schooling options for our family, except homeschooling. Perhaps this is the Lord’s way of saying, “I wanted you to homeschool all along, but you just didn’t listen.” I know I’m not patient enough, but we are managing. We’ve done 3 grades (K-2–so no rocket science yet) in less than 2 calendar years. God has been good. So glad I discovered your blog through a friend’s pin on Pinterest!
Thank you for this post. It’s good to know that other moms out there are “growing” thhrough the same thing. Boy…this is a huge journey but its worth it.
You are so right. It is a huge journey and definitely SO worth it! 🙂
Hi Heather!
This is such a great post…My worst day of homeschooling is always better than the best day of private school (we did private school for Micah when he was in kindergarten).
On “bad homeschool” days, I always think back to the homework battles we had during kindergarten (at the end of the day when he was already exhausted…perfect timing) and remind myself that I get to do all that in the morning now, when at least the he’s at his best.
I always say that if you can get your kids to do homework, you can homeschool them much more easily!
I had never thought of the homework battle, but that totally makes sense.
I usually tell young moms that if they can potty train a child, they can definitely teach them how to read. Less stress, less mess!
Hi Erin, and Heather, chiming in as it has been on my heart to homeschool, I just lack self confidence I think, something, praying UP about it… Currently my son is in first grade, and homeowrk battle is real. Infact, I feel like ok, he is at school for 6 hours plus, he comes home, tired, wanting a break, and them BAM we have these sheets of homework that must be done, 2 hours later, fighting, pushing, making deals, etc…. I am doing this at our risk of family peace, well being, to meet expetation of teachers, school quotas, testing, money, etc… Hampster wheel, running this imaginary, yet real hamptster wheel… My son is really creative, imaginary, adventersome, and he favorite part of the day is recess. Would eb mine too… Now he is in a Spanish immersion program, and this apst year, well almost 2, we have been fostering a baby and my hubby had a mild stroke, Lord has been working in my family… Ok, all stop and breath… great what you both shared… and my heart is stirred… just need to pull the trigger, timing… Here I am in public school, yet I advocate – promote homeschooling !!! I admire you mommies, brave, warriors, I think – believe it is such a gift to give your children. So much coming at kids today. I really feel the enemy is after them. If you are fighting a battle, army, who will you strike? the weakest part, the ones that can be easily confused, stray, weak, detoured, manipulated,etc.. Feel like God showed me that… My son is only in first grade, already had bully challenges, anxiety, he is struggling, and this is first grade friends !!!
I’m praying for you, my friend. I love your heart for your son. Where would we all be without our mothers? I am praying that God would give you wisdom and direction on what to do with your son next year. He sounds so much like my boys. I have one son who would do very well in a traditional school, but my other two would wither. They are bright, inquisitive, but one gets stressed out easily and the other is just a rough and tumble late bloomer that needed a little flexibility with how we approached things. There are certainly difficult days when it comes to homeschooling, but from your comment it sounds like you are encountering similar difficulties just at the end of an already long day for your son. One of the things I love best about homeschooling is our slower pace. While you can still get caught up in the hamster wheel type of living, you also have control to recognize that and make adjustments to your life so that you can savor the precious moments of childhood that we get to share with our children.
As I said in my article, God gives peace when He provides direction. If he is calling your family to homeschool, he is going to give you the strength, the patience, and the insight to do it.
Two of the most important keys in parenting is relying on God for direction and staying VERY involved with their lives no matter where they attend school. It sounds like you are right there on both counts!
My thought is that, if you are patient enough to get through the 1st year of your child’s life, (remember the lack of sleep, the lack of ability to tell you what was wrong and all the rest), then you are totally patient enough to homeschool. There will be days you’ll doubt it, but you are. I don’t mind hearing from others that they worry about their patience level, we all do. But, I hate hate hate hearing (and unfortunately hear way too often), “Oh, I could never homeschool, I couldn’t stand to be with my kids all day!” That just makes me so sad for those kids. I’m sure (hoping) that the parent is just giving a flippant answer and doesn’t really feel that way, but wow what a horrible thought. There are days that 6 hours alone with my boys in school away from home sounds really enticing, but I love being with them most days.
I know, Danna. That reason always makes me want to cry too – especially when they say this right in front of their children…
Your post is very encouraging. Though I am independently homeschooling my 3-year old daughter now, the thought of pulling out my son from regular school this June makes me soooo nervous & inadequate. But I believe that this is what God wants for our family so I’m gonna do it in faith. My son will be in grade 2 & our homeschooling journey officially begins. I will definitely go back here for a dose of inspiration. Thank you!
You can do it Honney! If that is where God is leading you and your family, He always provides and helps you grow into whatever He has called us to do!
It truly is a grand adventure!
It gives me hope when I see a homeschooler who had a mom “not so patient” be a homeschooling mom. 🙂 thanks for sharing.
Oh Heather…I used to say that very thing!! And, once we began home educating our children, I was informed by many that they could not do it because they would lack in patience! And, they thought I must be the pinnacle of all patience. I have set many straight on that score…the LORD does the work in us, and these are the things HE uses! I had to chuckle at the “I was patient until I had children” part of your post. I have often said I thought I was a good Christian until I got married…and then, once I had children I wondered if I was even saved!! How it refines us. What a blessing that the LORD is the One Who completes the work in us, and makes us fit for Heaven. Only through HIS blood and Righteousness!! How Precious HE is!!
Blessings to you!
Camille
Oh that made me laugh. I would totally agree with you. Marriage and now parenting are truly a gift from God in the sanctification process…
I am excited to discover your blog today through HHH! Your post is right on in my experience (I am a second generation homeschooler, too). I find that comments like “You must have the patience of a saint,” etc. from non-homeschoolers are the most common and the most baffling to respond to. Because, of course, I don’t have that kind of patience. 🙂 I am going to borrow some of your thoughts to equip me for responding more appropriately. Thanks!
hahaha, being on the student end we KNOW perfect patience isn’t a reality nor a prerequisite for the job. It’s always wonderful to meet another 2nd generation homeschooler. 🙂
Beautifully said! It is not always easy or pretty but anything worth doing in life is worth the hardship – especially homeschooling!
I discovered this post today on Pinterest and feel as though you were writing this post just for me. We are planning to start homeschooling in the fall and I’m experiencing all the fears and worries you mentioned here. Reding this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for helping me see that I’m not alone. I know this is what God wants for our family. I love your ideas and tips. You are awesome!
Your words bring tears to MY eyes. You are NOT alone and if God is calling you to homeschool, you can bank on the fact that He’s going to walk you through every step of the way! I’m praying for you today that God would make smooth paths for you as you prepare for this truly beautiful {albiet challenging} adventure.
I like this post! Like I just wrote on Homegrown Learner’s blog, I am not patient either, but I love my guys enough to try hard to be so.
I’ll take the joy of having my children with me along with the mess any day. 🙂 The former makes up for the latter.
Amen!
Maybe, just maybe, the Lord wants us to work on our patience and homeschooling is a GREAT way to do just that. Just a thought… 😉
That is certainly the case with me. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to grow!
Wonderful thoughts, Heather. I am not overly patient and I’m encouraged and invigorated by your post. I love the stories of your mom and what you remember most.
This is my 3rd year homeschooling and your post was exactly what I needed today. I’m learning and growing right along side my children. And yes, sometimes I have to go back to “God called me to do this” to get through the day…. I dont have all the answers and never will but I’m glad my family forgives and we can all start over fresh, each and every day if we need to. Thanks so much for this post!
It is a beautiful thing to grow alongside our children. Challenging, but so rewarding too.